Tomboy vs Sissypants
by StrawberryPajamas
Summary: Ramona's the new girl at South Park Elementary, and she causes some raised eyebrows when it turns out she'd rather play football with the boys than gossip with the girls. Read and Review!


**NOTE: This story will contain no shipments, nothing AU, just pure potty-mouthed, fourth-grade fun.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own what belongs to the wonderful and amazing Matt Stone and Trey Parker.**

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Tomboy vs. Sissypants

"Cartman, you are so full of shit."

"Nuh-uh, you guys… I'm seriously!"

Stan shook his head. "You can't lick your own elbow, dude – it's impossible!"

"No, cuz like, this one time, I saw this Asian chick on TV do it, and I was all like 'oh, sick dude!' cuz her tongue was all like long and wet and stuff…"

"Mmgh mmm fmmg hm!" Kenny said with a muffled giggle.

"Dude!" Stan exclaimed to his friend, looking appalled.

"Heh, heh. Totally," Cartman grinned.

"Settle down, class," Mr. Garrison walked into the room with his normal grumpy expression. The noisy talk amongst all the fourth graders quieted somewhat, though the occasional pencil or paper airplane was tossed around near the back.

"We have a new student today, class, and I hope you will all welcome her to South Park by being on your best behavior. Alright?"

Garrison glared over at Clyde, who was poised to shoot a spitball at Butters' head. Clyde noticed the teacher, and resentfully shoved the straw away.

"Oh crap, another new kid?" Stan muttered, rolling his eyes.

"It's our cheap-ass education system," Cartman insisted. "It attracts all the poor people, like Kenny."

Kenny glared at him.

"Now, children, I'd like you all to say hi to Ramona Verblatsky."

A girl shuffled into the classroom. She was small, with a few freckles splayed across her nose and cheeks. She wore a green hoodie and had short blonde hair peeking out underneath a hat similar to Craig's. She held her books to her chest, while glancing around nervously at all the new faces.

"Say hello to Ramona, everyone."

There were a few grumbles.

"I SAID SAY HELLO, DAMMIT!"

"Hello Ramona," the class chanted unenthusiastically.

"Bitch," Cartman said under his breath. Token and Clyde snickered.

"Hi everyone," Ramona responded, looking uncomfortable. She quickly glanced down at her sneakers.

"Do you want to tell the class a little something about yourself, Ramona?"

"Oh, um, okay…" Ramona looked up. "I moved here a couple weeks ago from Littleton, Colorado with my family. I have three older brothers –"

Cartman interrupted with a loud, fake yawn, causing the other students to chuckle.

"ERIC CARTMAN SHUT YOUR FAT FUCKING MOUTH OR YOU'RE GOING TO BE SENT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE!" Mr. Garrison exploded, and the room was instantly silenced. He turned back to Ramona, "Go on."

"Uhm…" Ramona looked especially awkward now, staring uneasily up at her teacher. "No thank you."

"Really? Okay then. You can take Kyle's empty seat for today, Ramona. We'll try to get you your own desk tomorrow."

Ramona didn't argue, but hurried over to sit down in the empty seat between Stan and Craig.

The fourth grade girls immediately began the whispered criticisms of their new classmate:

"Why is she dressed like that?" Red whispered to Bebe.

"Yeah, she looks like a _boy_," Heidi's eyes moved distastefully up and down Ramona's outfit.

"And look at her _hair_ – what's up with the hackjob?" Nellie hissed, and the other girls giggled maliciously. Ramona pretended not to have heard them.

"Okay, everyone, we're going to start today out by taking a pop quiz in math. So please take out your pencils and calculators…"

There was a collective groan from the class.

"YOU QUIT YOUR WHINING OR ELSE YOU ALL ARE GONNA GET DETENTION, YOU GOT THAT!" Garrison bellowed at them. The class quieted, and resentfully pulled out their needed materials.

The quizzes were passed around: Kenny took one and passed the rest to Stan, Stan passed them to Ramona, and Ramona passed them to Craig…

"Cool hat, dude," she said as she took a quiz and handed the rest of the papers to him. Craig looked at her.

"What?"

"I said you have a sweet hat," Ramona pointed to the cap on his head. "My brother Nick had one just like it – it was totally sick! So I stole it from him a couple weeks ago," she grinned, indicating the hat on her own head.

Craig didn't respond, and quickly passed the quizzes over to Bebe.

"You have twenty minutes to finish. I suggest you little retards all start now," Mr. Garrison said, taking a seat behind his desk.

Ramona quickly began to write, and didn't notice the other boys of the class, all of whom were staring at her with their mouths hanging open in shock.

~/~

"Dude."

All the fourth-grade boys still couldn't take their eyes off Ramona, who was walking alone around the playground, kicking random pebbles. It was recess, and all the boys were gathered on the grass, preparing to play football like always, but they couldn't help but talk about what they had witnessed in the classroom earlier that day.

"Dude, did you _hear_ her this morning?" Clyde asked, still looking completely astonished.

"Mm hm," Kenny affirmed, also staring at the new girl.

"But… but she's a _chick_," Cartman looked completely dumbfounded. "A fucking _girl_, dude!"

"Yeah, but she talks like… like a…" Token searched for the right term.

"A _boy_," Butters finished, rubbing his knuckles together anxiously.

"Yeah," the others agreed.

"It's messing with my brain, dude," Craig complained.

"TIMMAY!" Timmy said.

"C'mon, guys. Let's just play ball," Stan turned away, the football in his hands. The boys regretfully turned away from the new girl, assembling themselves to play on the grass. No sooner had the teams divided, however, when the girl they had all been discussing hesitantly approached them.

"Hey, can I play?" Ramona looked nervous as she walked up to the playing field. The boys stopped and turned toward her. They were at a loss for words.

"Um… we're playing _football_ ," Stan finally supplied, as if this information alone would make her realize the absurdity of her request.

Ramona gave him an odd look. "Um, I know... I wanna play with you guys. Is that such a crime?"

The boys continued to stare at her, completely bewildered.

"Why don't you just… I dunno… go play with the girls?" Clyde pointed over to the merry-go-round, where Wendy, Bebe, and a large group of girls were all sitting and chatting happily.

"They're talking about shoes and clothes and the Kardashians and stuff," Ramona scrunched her nose in distaste. "I'd rather do something cool, like play football."

Once again, the boys were speechless.

"Ow," Butters mumbled, holding his head in his hands and squeezing his eyes shut.

"Are we in the fucking _Matrix_, dude?" Cartman demanded of Craig.

"I don't know what's real anymore," Token said miserably.

"Tim-TIMMAY!" Timmy concurred.

"C'mon guys, just let her play. What's the big deal?" Stan turned back toward the game at hand.

"_What's the big deal_?!" Cartman burst out. "It's a big deal 'cuz she's a CHICK who wants to play FOOTBALL! With us DUDES!"

"So what?" Ramona looked mildly annoyed at Cartman's protesting. Cartman moved up so his fat face was just a few inches away from Ramona's.

"_So_… everyone knows football is an all-male sport! No fucking girls are allowed to play, ay-eeght?!"

Ramona backed up a few steps, staring weirdly at him. "What's your problem, man?"

"C'mon dude, it's just one game," Stan stepped between the two, glaring at Cartman.

"Whatever – let's just play," Clyde shrugged resignedly. The rest of the team murmured in agreement, and they all moved to stand in position.

"Oh, REAL fucking nice, guys! Way to have some fucking BALLS!" Cartman bellowed angrily. "If you all are gonna be a bunch of goddamn pussies, I'm not gonna play with you – so THERE!"

Cartman stuck out his tongue at them and stormed off.

"Honestly, does he think him leaving is a punishment for us?" Kevin Stoley asked the group at large. They all shrugged.

"Come on," Stan said to Ramona, who looked much happier now that Cartman had left. "You can take Fatass's place as wide-reciever."

"Sweet… but I would think he'd be a lineman," Ramona moved into position.

"Long story – Cartman's kinda in denial about being fat," Stan rolled his eyes before getting in his position as quarterback. The rest of the boys and Ramona all lined up at their respective posts.

"Hutt!... Forty-two!... Seventeen!... Hutt hutt… HIKE!"

**To Be Continued**


End file.
